


A Demon's Humanity

by lesbiananimeism



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Byleth being more affected by Sothis' merger, Character Study, a look into Byleth's imposter syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22109515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbiananimeism/pseuds/lesbiananimeism
Summary: Byleth had always know that she was different---with no heartbeat and an inability to express emotions, how could she not? She never thought that she'd ever be able to lose even more of herself.
Kudos: 20





	A Demon's Humanity

**Author's Note:**

> So I started writing this on a whim ~three weeks ago but very quickly got distracted and forgot what it was supposed to be or where it was supposed to be going but since I'd started and it was the first thing I'd written in months, I decided to turn it into a sort of character study for Byleth pre-timeskip. I hope everyone enjoys it!

Byleth had grown up knowing something was… different about her. After all, how couldn’t she? With no heartbeat, no connections outside of her father and mentors, the struggle she had even understanding her own emotions, let alone expressing them. Her father spent years telling her not to worry, to not focus on it. Telling her everything would work out.

And she did start to change. Her father noted it, her students were aware of it. But Byleth herself didn’t feel much different. Her smiles came more often, but they felt just as fake, just as brittle. Guilt and regret came to her after Remire, but she regretted failing more than regretting the lives lost because of her failure.

But then Jeralt died. But then he was killed. And all she felt was anger—anger at Monica, who was actually Kronya. Anger towards Edelgard, who she _knew_ was the Flame Emperor and _knew_ was aware of Monica’s “plan”. She cried, she remembers seeing her tears hitting her father’s face, but she doesn’t remember feeling anything besides anger. 

And nothing changed. If anything, she felt more distant from herself than she had before. She felt… less human than before, and as the woman coined as the Ashen Demon when she was _eleven_ , she’d never imagined something like that was possible. Sothis had offered her condolences, more than Byleth had expected from the… thing in her head (that turned out to be the Goddess? Apparently?), and Edelgard had tried to help in the way she knew how to. In Byleth’s opinion, it was the thought that counted.

And then Solon killed Kronya, and trapped Byleth in… a terrifying void of nothingness. It was her own fault, everything considered; she should’ve known better than to rush the bitch into what was an obvious trap. But the rage and anger that had been filling Byleth for the entire month following her father’s death had blinded her rationality. And now, because of her… Because of her and Kronya and Solon… Sothis is gone.

In a single month, Byleth had lost her only two constants in her entire life, both for her own lack of foresight and reasoning. And now, because of that… her humanity feels more out of reach than it ever has before. 

“ ** _You didn’t lose something as a result of gaining those powers, did you?_ **”

All of her students have noticed it; Edelgard quickly connected the dots between Byleth’s new sense of presence and hair colour, Dorothea noticed the new way Byleth held herself and shaped the world around them. Even students that she’s never taught or gone on missions with all noticed. And the worst part of it is that…. Byleth can’t even prove any of their fears or worries wrong.

Byleth knows that Edelgard suspects Rhea of having done something with Byleth, Byleth also knows that it’s true. Dorothea suspects something “divine” to have happened with Byleth, suspects Byleth of being something _more_. And Byleth can’t prove her wrong, because she knows that Dorothea is right.

‘Am I even human anymore?’ is the question she asks herself daily after that disaster with Solon. She never knew much about humanity before coming to Garreg Mach; every day bringing the grind of killing some bandits, defending some traders on their routes or some noble entourage, the occasional askance of assistance in some larger military battle. Not exactly a lot of time to reflect on how she felt about the actions she’d commit in the name of coin. Even after coming to Garreg Mach it hadn’t changed much. 

But…

But now it was worse. Byleth didn’t think humanity was supposed to feel like this… this…. Vast emptiness and disconnect, while simultaneously being assaulted by all of her senses at once. Smells that smelt too strong, sounds that were always too loud, colours too saturated and edges too sharp. 

Even the vague sense of morality she’d thought she’d been establishing for herself since arriving at the monastery, since being the professor of her loved Black Eagles and finding horror and disgust in some of the actions Rhea would have you carry out, started to fade. 

And so she wondered…

Was she human?

“ ** _And what is humanity, my teacher?_ **”

  
  



End file.
